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~*Amity Caught Stars in Her Arms*~ [userpic]

Back In Jersey

September 5th, 2011 (01:12 am)
cold

current mood: cold

...Sigh.

Haven't done one of those sigh things in a while. Not since high school, I think.

But being back in Jersey has brought up some very high-school-like feelings, mainly the feelings of not belonging anywhere at all. When I moved back, I un-deliberately reached out to everyone I used to know, and all but one (Sarah) has completely ignored me. It's hard to understand. I know that several people are into different things now, and in different places in their lives.

No, fuck that, I don't understand.

It's a cruel, useless, topsy-turvy world where the only thing that matters in between people is Power. In this hidden hierarchy, everyone should know at least on a subconscious level that the more people you know and the more connects you have, the better off you are in this lifelong clusterfuck tug-of-war.

My connection to the Midwest may seem to have the usefulness of puppy shit today, but who knows what December 12th or 21st, 2012 might hold?

Whatever. It hurts, and there's no way around it. It makes me slightly sick to my stomach that I go through the last few years dealing with things like an adult, and then finances fuck me in the ass to the point where I have to come all the way back to Jersey and deal with some very uncomfortable emotions that I thought I had been done with.

Like not belonging. Monkeypunchers, I thought I was over, of all things, THAT.